中国离婚率高达41%:好的婚姻,千万要计较这3件事

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两个人彼此相爱,但他们无法管理婚姻。这是真正的悲剧。

在这两天里,在微博上进行了一次热门搜索,名为“90后结婚”。有人开始投票,标题是“你想在90后现在结婚吗?”

结果显示,超过4,000人表示他们不想结婚,只有500人想要结婚。

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这恰好证明了不久前发布的一系列婚姻数据:

2018年全国结婚率为7.2%,为2013年以来的最低水平;离婚率连续15年上升;毕业率高达38%,也就是说,当100对夫妇登记结婚时,有38对夫妇登记离婚。3ef45378d1db4a5bb70a50883a17dfc6019ee16dbb8247829230ca26dcec89e06d9520c98c484114ac2d2e3d5b1feca3

有人总结说:80后,他们后悔自己的婚姻,90后,他们不敢结婚。

事实上,抵制婚姻已经成为今天年轻人的常态。

为什么越来越多的人不愿意结婚,越来越多的人想要离婚?

有人说三种观点不一致,有人说它们不相容。

事实上,双方在婚姻中,三种观点都不尽相同,而且性格不是问题。

你是否愿意努力工作是保持长期婚姻的秘诀。

私下认为,大多数由心灵管理的婚姻都做了这三件事。

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为了支持一个家庭,男人和女人并不缺乏职位

婚姻中最常见的合作方式是:男性和女性,女性。

许多男人认为他们是这个家庭的主要经济支柱,而且这笔钱赚得很多。他们不做家务是很自然的。

众所周知,吸收黄金的能力与男性相同,同时,一个真正支持家庭的女性是一个好主妇。

几天前,我听到小组里的一个故事在听我的表弟。

在我的家乡,一个小县,有一个女人与一个在公共机构工作的男人结婚。

几年前,男人们无薪地离开了工作,然后出去建厂。

这个女人觉得不可靠。在分析了男人的利弊之后,他说服他放弃了建立工厂的想法。

男人不听,女人不得不支持他。

在建立工厂的过程中,资金不足,所有女性都在帮助借款。

结果,工厂管理不善,倒闭,欠下数十万债务。

那人回到了单位工作。

在此期间,为了缓解经济压力,女性批发一些衣服,让男人去摊位补房。

结果,该男子没有出售一件衣服,并抱怨衣服不好。

第二天,那个女人出去搭起一个摊位卖掉了所有衣服.

有一次我有一个父亲说:“我以为我每天都赚钱,并为我的家人做出了最大的贡献。但是当我带着孩子看病时,我意识到是妻子支撑着这个家庭。”

在线观看故事。

当我说一个女人,当我有第二个孩子时,我觉得我必须出生。首先,我会冷静地向老板报告,给下属一份好工作,并打电话给母亲安排接孩子的任务。然后我会摇晃地下建筑并乘坐出租车。

当我在等车的时候,我跟守卫说话。当车来的时候,她松了一口气地走到空中:“不要说,我去医院生个孩子。”

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女人变得越来越铁杆,男人仍然在家里与祖父一起摆姿势,等待女人服务。

越来越多的女性选择离婚,也因为她们无法忍受男人的“理所当然”而无法忍受婚姻中的不公正。

A set of divorce data is displayed:

In the case of divorce disputes concluded by the National Court from 2016 to 2017, over 70% (73.40%) of the divorce cases were initiated by the woman.

Lawyer Zhao Jian believes that the increase in female independence is the underlying cause of the decline in the marriage rate and the rise in the divorce rate.

In a good marriage, no one is right. There is only a division of labor between husband and wife, and there is no status.

A mature marriage should be understood by both sides. The two together support a family, work hard together, and warm each other, in order not to fear this cool world, go further and further.

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Be wary of life trivia

The Zhejiang Higher People's Court once exposed 2018 Zhejiang Provincial Court Divorce Disputes Judicial Big Data:

34.21% of divorce disputes were caused by trivial matters of life; 30.16% of divorces were caused by separation.

The first killer in marriage is not derailed, but life is trivial.

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Think of the hot post on the Internet a while ago: 10 years of marriage, because the husband did not wash the bowl for 4 days came to an end.

Said that there is a woman, her husband is a otaku, do not smoke or drink, do not go out to play, work seriously, but never care about children and housework, even the in-laws are sick, she took to the hospital.

For a while, the woman’s company was engaged in activities and was busy for 4 days,

When she was busy, she went to the kitchen at home and saw that there was a bowl of unwashed for 4 days in the sink.

Husband said: "I thought you were busy for a day. Who knows that you will come back in 4 days, you will not wash and wash, so you will be released."

The woman cries while washing the dishes. She thinks that she has to make money and do housework on weekdays. Her husband’s role is in vain and she is determined to divorce.

xx我的家人很疑惑:难道我四天没洗过菜吗?离婚的重点是什么。

但是谁问她,这些年来她心里堆积了多少未洗过的碗,有多少未被承认的不满,多少个艰难的夜晚?

两天前,主播骚被问到“它离婚了吗?”他在微博上认真回应:

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他说,我不知道什么时候开始,我们彼此抱怨越来越多。我的妻子总是责备我玩游戏。我总是看现场直播。我责备我的妻子总是管理我太多。我总是跟我打架。

我周围的朋友也建议这不是一个大问题。每个人都会放弃,问题将永远得到解决。

然而,问题并不像想象的那么简单。

婚姻最初是由生活中的琐碎积累的。

对于那些日常不满意的琐碎事情,有一天可以承受,两天可以承受,那一年,两年?

婚姻的真正破坏从来就不是少数未洗过的碗。几次不值得一提,但长期积累,琐碎的事情绝望。

蔡康永曾在《奇葩说》中说过:

人与人之间有情感关系。每次对方开心的时候,存款多一点,另一方很伤心,存款也少。不要只是退出它,随意地感觉,你的钱永远不会被浪费,不,当存款变为零时,就是当另一方离开时。存款通常不会突然消耗。df7d123645864290813f0436735b677bd2e723d8fbb949b7b51d7d8f5b7dc99a

因此,面对琐碎的婚姻,双方必须学会宽容,宽容和理解。

想一想,你会发现婚姻实际上并不那么困难,而不是盲目地竞争。

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理解情绪,不要责怪事情

《为什么我们总是在逃避》There is a case on this book:

When the wife asked her husband to go home, she took the clothes that were sent to the dry cleaning, and the husband forgot to do it after work.

The wife asked: "What dry clothes do you get back?"

The husband was embarrassed to admit that he had forgotten this and apologized to his wife.

The wife sighed impatiently when she thought of her husband’s “forgetting sex”. “If you forget it, I will go for a trip tomorrow, and I will count on you!”

The husband’s heart suddenly contradicted and burned in anger: “I don’t understand what you have done, I just forgot, can I not always talk about the character!”

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Do you think this scene is familiar?

Not only marriage, but everyone in everyday life has experienced such quarrels.

American psychoanalyst Joseph Burgo said that the husband’s reaction in the case is a psychological defense mechanism.

At first, like most people, the guilty party (husband) would admit his fault and be guilty.

Accepted, so you can get a complete sense of innocence.

But if the other party does not accept it, but instead exchanges entangled criticism or harsh words, their sense of guilt will be intensified and become unbearable.

At this time, many people will instead choose to refuse to take responsibility, and try to escape the guilt of the heart by projecting to the outside world.

Finally, the contradictions intensified and the quarrel escalated.

The problem in many marriages is to use this power to "live and endlessly."

To solve the problem and reverse the situation, we need the joint efforts of both husband and wife.

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xxFirst of all, when the husband makes a mistake, the wife should stop blindly accusing, knowing that this is not only not conducive to solving the problem, but also provokes the other party's desire to attack, and at any time makes the relationship collapse.

The definition of proactive interference in learning, that is, the material that has been studied before, interferes with the materials that are retained and recalled later.

The same applies to life. When people encounter difficulties, people are emotionally collapsed because they are constrained by previous difficulties.

If you can control the situation in reverse and become the master of emotions, you can take the first step to control the situation.

This is called proactive behavior.

The two sides in the marriage do not blame, but choose to embrace each other, warm each other, is the rational choice, and can control the situation.

Secondly, as the accused party, it is necessary to be able to identify one's inner feelings and avoid being entangled in emotions, thus avoiding the impulse of counteraction.

The psychologist, Yuan Yuan, once shared a story, and his friend helped a wedding for a pair of old and rare parents.

At the banquet, the old couple talked to everyone about the story in marriage.

The old grandfather said that he had a bad temper and had a quarrel with his grandmother.

Once, he suddenly became angry and smashed an old teapot.

But in the face of his intense emotions, Grandma did not counterattack.

Instead, from his perspective, to understand his emotions and feelings: "You are not angry with me, you are just eager for my help."

Grandpa received the feeling of being understood and seen, and the contradiction was naturally resolved.

Marriage is not a battlefield. If one party can blame and let go, the other party can accurately identify the emotions, understand the feelings, and solve the problem calmly, and then find that the tired and boring marriage life is gradually shining.

There is a line in the movie《消失的爱人》:

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两个人彼此相爱,但他们无法管理婚姻。这是真正的悲剧。

没有人是天生的好伙伴。在不断奔跑和努力的过程中,每个人都在结婚。

共勉。

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