A set of divorce data is displayed:
In the case of divorce disputes concluded by the National Court from 2016 to 2017, over 70% (73.40%) of the divorce cases were initiated by the woman.
Lawyer Zhao Jian believes that the increase in female independence is the underlying cause of the decline in the marriage rate and the rise in the divorce rate.
In a good marriage, no one is right. There is only a division of labor between husband and wife, and there is no status.
A mature marriage should be understood by both sides. The two together support a family, work hard together, and warm each other, in order not to fear this cool world, go further and further.
Be wary of life trivia
The Zhejiang Higher People's Court once exposed 2018 Zhejiang Provincial Court Divorce Disputes Judicial Big Data:
34.21% of divorce disputes were caused by trivial matters of life; 30.16% of divorces were caused by separation.
The first killer in marriage is not derailed, but life is trivial.
Think of the hot post on the Internet a while ago: 10 years of marriage, because the husband did not wash the bowl for 4 days came to an end.
Said that there is a woman, her husband is a otaku, do not smoke or drink, do not go out to play, work seriously, but never care about children and housework, even the in-laws are sick, she took to the hospital.
For a while, the woman’s company was engaged in activities and was busy for 4 days,
When she was busy, she went to the kitchen at home and saw that there was a bowl of unwashed for 4 days in the sink.
Husband said: "I thought you were busy for a day. Who knows that you will come back in 4 days, you will not wash and wash, so you will be released."
The woman cries while washing the dishes. She thinks that she has to make money and do housework on weekdays. Her husband’s role is in vain and she is determined to divorce.
《为什么我们总是在逃避》There is a case on this book:
When the wife asked her husband to go home, she took the clothes that were sent to the dry cleaning, and the husband forgot to do it after work.
The wife asked: "What dry clothes do you get back?"
The husband was embarrassed to admit that he had forgotten this and apologized to his wife.
The wife sighed impatiently when she thought of her husband’s “forgetting sex”. “If you forget it, I will go for a trip tomorrow, and I will count on you!”
The husband’s heart suddenly contradicted and burned in anger: “I don’t understand what you have done, I just forgot, can I not always talk about the character!”
Do you think this scene is familiar?
Not only marriage, but everyone in everyday life has experienced such quarrels.
American psychoanalyst Joseph Burgo said that the husband’s reaction in the case is a psychological defense mechanism.
At first, like most people, the guilty party (husband) would admit his fault and be guilty.Accepted, so you can get a complete sense of innocence.
But if the other party does not accept it, but instead exchanges entangled criticism or harsh words, their sense of guilt will be intensified and become unbearable.
At this time, many people will instead choose to refuse to take responsibility, and try to escape the guilt of the heart by projecting to the outside world.
Finally, the contradictions intensified and the quarrel escalated.
The problem in many marriages is to use this power to "live and endlessly."
To solve the problem and reverse the situation, we need the joint efforts of both husband and wife.
xxFirst of all, when the husband makes a mistake, the wife should stop blindly accusing, knowing that this is not only not conducive to solving the problem, but also provokes the other party's desire to attack, and at any time makes the relationship collapse.
The definition of proactive interference in learning, that is, the material that has been studied before, interferes with the materials that are retained and recalled later.
The same applies to life. When people encounter difficulties, people are emotionally collapsed because they are constrained by previous difficulties.
If you can control the situation in reverse and become the master of emotions, you can take the first step to control the situation.
This is called proactive behavior.
The two sides in the marriage do not blame, but choose to embrace each other, warm each other, is the rational choice, and can control the situation.
Secondly, as the accused party, it is necessary to be able to identify one's inner feelings and avoid being entangled in emotions, thus avoiding the impulse of counteraction.
The psychologist, Yuan Yuan, once shared a story, and his friend helped a wedding for a pair of old and rare parents.
At the banquet, the old couple talked to everyone about the story in marriage.
The old grandfather said that he had a bad temper and had a quarrel with his grandmother.
Once, he suddenly became angry and smashed an old teapot.
But in the face of his intense emotions, Grandma did not counterattack.
Instead, from his perspective, to understand his emotions and feelings: "You are not angry with me, you are just eager for my help."
Grandpa received the feeling of being understood and seen, and the contradiction was naturally resolved.
Marriage is not a battlefield. If one party can blame and let go, the other party can accurately identify the emotions, understand the feelings, and solve the problem calmly, and then find that the tired and boring marriage life is gradually shining.
There is a line in the movie《消失的爱人》:xx